I’m nearing the end of another chapter.
It’s so close I can feel it - it’s this pressing sensation inside me threatening to explode with joy and new life!
For so long I unknowingly pretended not to know that even though I had only one life, I was investing it inside a lonely marriage. Anytime this knowing threatened to rise, I’d push it way back down inside. I thought I’d be able to pretend to not know forever. But, the thing is - knowing happens slowly and then suddenly. I realized I couldn’t unbecome who I’d become and unknow what I had come to know.
Facing the truth and acknowledging the knowing meant I’d have to do the unthinkable; leave my daughter’s father. I’ve hurt people I love in my life, but that was the worst of all time! Watching my husband’s heart break, and later breaking my two daughter’s hearts. My intention in these moments was to do the hard thing because it was the true thing to do. I want all of us to live the truth of who we are even when (and especially when) it’s painfully hard and ridiculously scary.
Over time I believe that we will all rebuild our hearts and they will be bigger, and more compassionate and resilient.
I’m just 2 years into rewriting a more beautiful, truer story for my life.
One where my responsibility as a woman and as a mother is to be a model of what it looks like, feels like, sounds like to create a life that isn’t about shrinking for those we love but rather, emerging and expanding for all that we love. Being responsible - radically responsible - is about showing my daughters that love doesn’t lock the lover away, stifle creativity or discount her value. Love frees the lover!
Love amplifies the joy, possibility and richness of life.
Love isn’t about abandoning yourself for the sake of what others want. It’s about forsaking all others to be true and honorable to yourself. Love is about staying WILDLY ALIVE until the day you die!
***Photo credit: "Expansion" sculpture by Paige Bradley